I was inspired to share an old post of mine. Despite being a raw, vulnerable post about heartbreak, it's always been a favorite of mine. By the time I was able to write this post and take the pictures of these texts I was starting to talk to Dan more, via texts, phone calls, and Facebook, and I think maybe feeling the hint of maybe being able to let myself love again was what helped me start healing and write this post. It's been almost 5 years exactly since I wrote this in February of 2010, and it's amazing to think about all the things that have happened since I was in the throes of that heartbreak. In that winter of 2009/2010 I couldn't imagine loving again, I couldn't picture myself ever being able to trust anyone else with my heart. I had trusted James with it so wholly and in the end I was left shattered. Healing was a slow process, painfully slow at times, and I felt gun-shy and insecure for a long time.
If this Valentine's Day is marked by heartache rather than roses, it's okay. It's okay to feel shitty on Valentine's day. It's okay to hate this day and be angry and sad and hurt. But know that heartache isn't the end of the story, it's just one chapter. And you're a strong, badass lady, even if you don't feel like it when you're curled up on your bathroom floor crying into disintegrating pieces of toilet paper covered with smudged eyeliner. Your heart is stronger than you think, and it's capacity for healing is otherworldly. So, Happy Valentine's Day, because even if you don't feel like it, you are loved and you are worthy and you are beautiful. Even with smudged eyeliner and puffy cry face.
"This post is going to be a little (okay a lot) more personal than my usual posts. I keep my personal life out of my blog mainly because I like this to be a sanctuary for me. When I'm blogging, I don't have to think about the rest of the world, it's a perfectly wonderful place full of nice people, pretty pictures, and encouraging words. And, honestly, this blog has been the one thing that has kept me going at times, the one thing I look forward to when I feel like everything around me is crumbling.