Someone asked me a couple weeks ago about what kind of clothes boys respond to and how to dress flirty but not overly so, and my initial reaction to that question was almost confusion. Like, why would you even want to dress a certain way to make boys respond to you? I guess it's been a while since I was in high school. While I was never one of those girls who had boyfriends, I did wish I had more attention from boys, especially since my friends got a lot more attention than I ever did. Looking back from where I am now, I realize that I'm just not one of those girls who will ever be a boy magnet, nor would I want to be. I've come to discover that my quiet self confidence actually kind of intimidates men, and I rather prefer it that way. But the question still makes me think about how much differently people can think about clothes and the role they play in life
For myself, clothing and style are more of a description of my inward self, rather than a way to get a certain reaction out of other people. I realize that clothing certainly can function as a reaction-inducer (if it didn't, there wouldn't be a club-wear industry, I suspect), but I just have no interest in wearing clothes for other people.
pastoral hide & seek dress/courtesy of modcloth :: cardigan/gap :: boots/minnetonka
I think maybe my dislike of this concept began in Church. Granted, I never went to a church that required that you dress up to attend, but I would sometimes sit in church as a kid and get annoyed by the idea that God would want you to dress up for him. It confused me, like, wouldn't God take you as you are? Isn't that what the Bible said? And yet there were whole groups of people who would be offended if you wore ripped jeans to church or if you had a hat on when you prayed. I guess I understood dressing nice to honor him, but the concept still rubbed me the wrong way.
But I digress, I guess I just don't like the idea that you should alter your personal style to please or get attention from someone else. At the same time, I think everyone should know that appearances do matter. We have eyes for a reason, and no matter how well intentioned people want to seem, we all instantly judge based on what we see. Maturity allows us to evaluate whether that initial visual judgement is accurate, but it's still true. Why people still go out in public wearing pajamas is still beyond me. I guess this could seem contradictory.... "dress for yourself and your own personal style! Unless that personal style is wearing pajamas to the grocery store." But really, is wearing sweats or PJs in public anyone's self professed personal style? I doubt it.
My stance has always been that you should dress for yourself, and if a guy or anyone else doesn't like it, then they clearly aren't meant for you! They way you dress expresses yourself, so why should you change yourself to get someone to like you? Ultimately, you'll just end up unhappy. This doesn't mean that I won't dress up to go on a date, but when I do dress up it is in my own style and in a way that first and foremost makes me happy. When I look in the mirror I want what I see to reflect who I am. I'm not always completely successful, but at least I put some effort into it.
40 musings:
I love this post, I can really relate to it! I've also never been a boy magnet either and my extreme shyness can probably be a factor, but hey I'm not complaining. I get easily flustered around guys but I want to believe that's part of my undeniable charm LOL.
your so freaking adorable Elizabeth, it's hard to believe you weren't a boy magnet in your own right :)
I agree wholeheartedly. I often find myself being disappointed in girls who change their style - or attitude, even - based upon the boy that they like. Even my brother had mentioned that he liked girls just because of who they were - not girls who tried to be the boy that they were vying after.
I love your boots, though. I need to find myself a good pair of cowboy boots that won't break the bank!
this is really interesting.
i moved to Minnesota from England a few days ago and both my friend and I have been finding that people think our style is a little out-there and think we're "adorable."
it's strange because we aren't dressing any differently from the way we do at home.
i never dress to get a reaction, i dress for me, but i know that i don't always dress in the conventional jeans-and-tshirt combo and some people find that unusual.
i always wished i had more attention from boys when i was younger but now I kinda hate it. i was chubby and awkward as a kid but i'm still that same girl inside.
i think you should dress to express yourself. and for some people that is jeans and a t shirt. but that just isn't me.
charlotte xxx
I think about this all the time! I am 20 and have never had a serious boyfriend. Whether that is because I tend to dress differently than other girls or because I am a little shy, I would rather be myself than turn into something I am not. Thanks for sharing this with us! Its reassuring to know that I am not the only girl who feels like this!
Very true. I moved from an all girls' school where I tried to dress like a Lord of the Rings extra to a mixed school where I was mocked. I found myself dressing not for the boys, but for the girls who dressed for the boys! It was only when I was about 17 when I became confident, settled and developed my own style, that I was truly happy, and actually was liked and seemed to attract men. Nowadays, I have my own look that is often overlooked when I'm out with tall, blonde friends in short dresses while I'm in skinny jeans with a quiff, but I'd rather not be leered at and find a fabulous man who loves Converse as much as I do! Dressing for other people is about as nurturing as acting a different way around other people.
Lauren - that's such a good outlook. I remember pitying all the girls at freshers week (the first week of university) and smiling at all the fake tanned girls in minidresses trying not to fall off their heels or have their dresses slip down while I was in my comfortable clothes. When you feel comfortable as well as look good, you are clearly much more attractive than a teetering clone. And if not, at least you'll find it a lot easier to walk home!
I agree about what you said about dressing up for church! I always thought it was strange too. Especially considering that the "first people" are depicted NAKED. God created us naked. So maybe to honor him we should attend church in our original outfits? Hah. :)
this post is great. i was NEVER a boy magnet. they always thought i was so weird, but i found a boy who is my best friend, and now we've been dating for over a year and he LOVES the way i dress. girls need to be themselves and find someone who loves that instead of trying to change who they are so people will love them.
This post is so true. I completely agree that you should only dress for yourself and who you truly are. Being someone who fell victim to changing how I dressed and looked to fit in (oh, eighth grade jersey shore-esque phase) I can wholeheartedly say that it's not worth it and just makes you feel bad. I think these words are really important, and I'm so happy you wrote this post!
By the way, I love your dress and boots. You look great! :)
what an awesome mix of colour! you look fab as always, fab in the woods in the middle of nowhere :) i really enjoyed your video, feel like i know you better, such a funny thing!!!! i think your adventure is inspiring, you've definitely got my head ticking about a similar trip to do in australia when i get back!
http://www.repeatwithbrazen.blogspot
love all the colors in this! especially the lime green. it's a color i haven't really seen lately, refreshing like a limeade :]
nice boots <3
and view
your home is a beautiful place isn't it?
That is an odd question and you answered it perfectly. I wear whatever I want and sometimes everyone asks all day where are you going? But yeah I agree people are very visual and how you look is usually someone's first impression, which good or not it's the truth. For me especially and I'm sure you, being a visual artist, how you look is so very important. I want people to look at my art, judge it, and like it, so I also have to dress well cause I know that people will look at my outfit, judge it, and hopefully see my artist taste through my personal style.
So yeah being a very visual person, how someone looks tells me about their life, and if you dress how you want then any boy who loves your personality would love your clothes. Sorry for my rambling. :) Great post and awesome outfit, I love the boots!
Lauren
Sparrow & Urchin
This reminds me of what my women's history professor said in class once: "women dress for other women, not for men." I think there's a bit of truth in this, especially that most of us often don't wake up in the morning and think "what can I wear to impress Billy today?" Perhaps it's because I think we've gone past the 50s mindset, but what I love most about personal fashion is that it's my expression alone. If other people like it, wonderful. If they don't, wonderful. Either way, it's still mine.
Also, I absolutely agree with what you said about not really caring what boys think when you wear your clothes.. but occasionally wishing they'd notice. We're only human. We have lapses. But in the end, I find that feeling self-confident about yourself is so much more fulfilling than gussying up for any boy.
Toast with Charmalade
i think this is my fav outfit post of yours ever!! I love the colour of the cardy, love the print of the dress and those boots are unreal!!! :) got serious boot envy!!
got a pair of lace up sheepskin boots on a giveaway on my blog, love it if ud check it out :) x
I really liked this post and in a way, you've helped me to realize something I have so much trouble realizing: I need to be myself and dress the way i dress because I like it. which I do, but every once in a while I still get offended by the name calling or immature remarks. so, thank you :)
What a great post -- I completely agree. Dressing for yourself is the most important thing--if it looks good to you, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks!
I dress for myself and thankfully my boyfriend doesn't seem to mind :) I love your boots. I want them!
I agree with you 100%!
Also, did you know you're on the front of Chictopia again?
xx
I've met quite a few girls who morph into a punk, techno goddess, dancing-queen, rock-chic, glamour-girl or play-boy bunny depending on their love interest. Its pretty depressing and must play havoc on their self esteem.
I'd like to say these girls grew out of this after high school...
Definitely agree. It's always strange to see the girls who you can tell dress for the attention. In the end, they just make the entire situation awkward...at least for me, since I'm not a boobie-oggling boy.
I'm pretty proud of myself that I always dress how I like and it's just a bonus if my boyfriend likes it. Sometimes, he thinks I'm nuts for wearing some things, but then I just tell him he doesn't know clothes. Ha!
I think everyones gone through that phase where they try to be something their not because they think it's what someone else wants. But I totally agree with your stance on it; ultimately, the people who really matter are the ones who don't care what your wearing or understand that what your wearing ought to be a reflection of who YOU are, not them.
that green sweater is so perfectly you. it matches your blog!
Betty Noir
I've never been a boy magnet and I do think its partially because of how I dress. However I'm not going to compromise myself for a man, but sometimes I do think I need to change my style because people keep belittling me by thinking I'm much younger than my age.
These pictures are so sweet. I love all the branches juxtapose to your floral dress.
I referenced you in my most recent blog post, if you want to check it out. Nothing big or crazy, but I thought you would appreciate it. =D
I agree that clothing should just be an expression of who you are, but it can also be a statement of who you want to be.
Preach it, sister. Baha.
Sometimes I get caught up in thinking "But what will other people think of this?" And then I think "who cares?"
Lindsey Soup
I totally relate...guys were always interested in my friends, but I've only ever had one boyfriend (and stuck with him!). I love what you say about dressing for yourself. I hope I can do that everyday...it's something I need to work on.
agreed 100 percent..:)
so freakkin true
So pretty, I love the green sweater! XOXO, Natalya
I totally agree with what you said about not dressing for guys. I did that in high school way too much. Not fun.
But I'd like to offer another opinion on what you said about church. While you can look at it as unnecessary, as an avid church goer that encourages "sunday dress" to me it's just a sign of love. I mean in reality I know that God loves me whether I'm wearing a skirt or not, just like you know that the guy your going on a date with should like you whether or not your wearing something flirty, but you said yourself that you would still dress up a bit for a date... So why not dress up for time you set aside specifically for God?
Just food for thought :)
Can't be more happy to read something like this!
In Italy is so difficult to simply express yourself without being influenced from other people look.
I can't stand it and it seems to be a tipical italian way to act. Just think about how people from abroad see us: rich and glamourus... But nobody abroad knows that there are people that take out a mortgage just to buy the last Gucci bag...
Anyway it's always a pleasure to read your posts, you rock! :)
@Rubie Hubie
I agree with you on the dressing up/church thing. I guess I was thinking about the kind of church people who look down on you if you don't dress "churchy". I think it should be a personal decision to dress up for God, not because some people think you have to to make him love you. When you love someone, you want to look nice for him/her, so I agree it would be the same in the case of God. But you don't always have to look nice for Him and he'll take you as you are. That's not the message that some people will give you though...
I love this post! So true - I totally dress for me and to express my inner self too and that'ts how I like it. Obvs it's nice when others notice and tell you you look nice or they like your style; that feels great! But ultimately I wear what makes me feel comfortable and don't really care what others think of it. I think most guys appreciate girls who are just themselves and put themselves out there in a real, confident way. Those that only like you if you have your ass and boobs hanging out everywhere you go probably aren't worth your time (and like you for reasons other than 'who you are' inside, if you know what I mean)
good answer. :)
This could not hit more close to home than it already does. That is exactly how I was in high school, and still am to this day. I only wear makeup when I remember and if I am in the mood for it. Clothing is just another art form to me, I am still experimenting with my style to this day, and I couldn't be happier to have the world of fashion blogging around to inspire me!
I adore the boots!
I like dressing up for church, but I have friends who go to churches where ripped jeans and a t-shirt is perfectly fine. It's really a matter of opinion or tradition. But I would like to show up at any church and be welcomed for who I am, a child of God!
Biblically it states that man looks at the outward appearance but God looks at the heart. I always thought this was great. My church also is jeans friendly and will be happy to have the smelliest bums enter, the most tattooed people, anyone - all for the sake to extend a hand of love and offer the message of Christ to them.
I think really it is important to set our hearts on God and be careful of how we dress in accordance, and then a man will be placed into our lives through having our hearts focused. I know that doesn't really work with everyone, but the determination to do God's will over our own will I think is what is important, but we are so selfish.
Anyway, I run a modesty friendly ministry/organization and I think that guys will really love seeing a woman who is dressed pretty and they respect them more when they are careful of how they expose themselves. . .odd but true. Most guys who expect a more sexual aspect of dress have issues with pornography and all.
I always loved how you dressed. You match things nicely and wear tights and leggings . . .etc. I think that a guy would totally go for you!!! You are beautiful and have a personality and a mind and soul to go with it. You're wonderful.
I'd love to get to know you better, honestly.
Sincerely,
Victoria / Justice Pirate
http://tiedemanntribe.blogspot.com
WORD.
I seriously could not agree more on all points!
Thank you for making me feel like not the only one ;)
i agree 110 percent! being in high school, ive heard about guys that have actually told my friends they dont like the way i dress (haha) and surely id get more attention from boys if i dressed a certain way. but that's totally not me. guys are really confused when i wear really long skirt and 4 patterns at once, but its who i am and if they dont like me for me, then i wouldnt want them to like me at all.
i love how much i agree with your posts like this :]
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