Today is a day's day.
It is strange to be half a planet away from someone you love. Would it be closer traveling west or east? Or north straight over the top? What sort of strange, exotic, foreign things are to be encountered?
And here I am, in what some would call a strange, exotic and foreign land, but for me it's just normal. It is weird coming home again. I'm somewhat disappointed that I am back here again. I had such high hopes that I'd be off "being an adult" whatever that means. Instead I'm what Real Simple tells me is a "Boomeranger." And I'm sleeping alone in an enormous king size bed which takes up half of my tiny room. I decided not to move back into my room we renovated last summer. It was intended to be a guest room because I wasn't supposed to come back home, and I just can't live in that room. There is too much past there. It's like sleeping in my past and I so ache for the future. So I am sleeping in a room in this house which I've never before slept in.
I miss my little tacky apartment in Spokane. I miss the ugly 70's wood cabinets. I miss the squeaky sliding door. I miss the love I found there. Maybe I ran away from the loneliness and pain, but I still loved living there. I loved feeling like I could make it on my own, but in the end I had no one and nothing to hold on to there and the loneliness was unbearable.
My computer is out of battery and I don't know where my power cord is, so this is all. I hope I haven't depressed anyone. Here, this is fun:
4 musings:
This is so in depth. I really like how you share so much of yourself in each post. You also select the absolute perfect way to word your thoughts. I really hope your strange place becomes home again and that you find new and even better happiness then what you had in your past.
Belle,
Hang in there. The recession will end. Jobs will be easier to come by. The Dems will be booted out of power. You will find the independence you ache for. And, life will be good again. All this will pass.
The title of your post suggested to me that you might be a Tom Waits fan (lyrics -- two versions -- here).
Google told me Radiohead might be more likely.
Google also taught me that some of the lyrics Tom Waits used in the live version trace back to 1965 and The Clapping Song.
Okay, enough with Googled useless trivia. Do something you love today. It might help. Paint?
this is sad :( im sorry you feel lonely, i know what you feel i do, and it isnt any pretty.
i hate feeling lonely it is the worst feeling ever.
im sorry.
i hope you cheer up. have an adventure out there, it might not be the same from last time.
I hope you can make your new room your very own space where you can be yourself, and at the same time be part of the bigger house where you are loved and enjoyed for who you have become.
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